A Working Dad’s Guide to Fatherhood

The birth of my daughter was one of the happiest days of my life . . . which meant that going back to work was extremely hard for me, as it is for many new dads. The office can take up a lot of the day (and night!), and it’s easy to feel down when you’re not able to hang out with your new baby. But a hardworking dad can definitely still enjoy fatherhood, especially if he plans his time well. Here is some advice I followed that could work for you too.

Hit the floor. No matter how old your child is, getting down to her level is an excellent way to play. Crawling on the floor with her when she's a baby, rolling around when she hits the toddler stage, and pig-piling with bigger kids is always a hit.

Sign up. Try Daddy-and-me swim lessons or channel your inner musician and find a baby music group. By taking a class, not only will you be teaching your child a skill or sport, but you’ll be spending a special time together each week.

Play chef. Every dad has a specialty up his sleeve, whether it’s flipping burgers, concocting a yummy pasta dish, or simply opening a can of soup -- with crackers. What you make doesn’t have to be fancy, but it does have to be your own. Host dinner once a week, serving your particular meal, even if your new baby is still on purées. She’ll enjoy watching you move around the kitchen and before you know it will be able to join in on the family meal fun.

Don’t sweat it. Tied up with a big presentation or stuck on a business trip? Either way, don’t stress if you’re away from your little one for longer than usual. In place of one-on-one play, consider reading a story to your child or singing a bedtime song over a webcam. She’ll love hearing your voice and seeing your face, even if you aren’t right next to her.

Remember, it’s the love and attention you give to your child -- not the number of hours you rack up together -- that counts on the scale of fatherhood. Whether you're cooking or cuddling, swimming or crawling on the floor, you're building a bond and being a great father.

Photo by Arty on Unsplash

Baby Milestones: Full Night of Sleep

Isabel, my firstborn, arrived fat and healthy at 8 pounds and 9 ounces, sporting a full head of dark brown hair. Like any new mom, I suspected that my days of uninterrupted slumber and sleeping in were in the past.

And I was correct: Isabel’s sleeping habits were erratic at first, causing my husband and I to be up at all hours of the night. I eagerly anticipated the day when I’d get my baby sleeping through the night. Of course, that baby milestone takes a bit of time to happen, but it eventually does.

Here’s my baby’s sleeping story:

Slow but Sure
By the 3-month mark, Isabel and I had set the bedtime routine: bath, nursing, story, and crib. This regular schedule helped her calm down at the end of the day and signaled that it was time to get some rest. I sent my new baby off to sleep each evening until 2:00 a.m. when she howled for the next feeding.

Almost There
Gradually, Isabel started to wake up a little later, a baby development milestone that gave me some much needed extra rest, too. My goal was to get her to sleep from bedtime all the way until 5:00 a.m. Would she make it?

She Did It!
When Isabel finally slept seven hours straight, I was a bit surprised. I knew eventually I’d get my baby sleeping through the night, but unfortunately, my body was ready for her to wake up sooner. Breasts need to be emptied of milk on a regular schedule, so while she was snoozing away, I was awake anyway, and with rather sore, full breasts!

A Quick Feed
As soon as Isabel was awake, I breastfed my new baby, so I could get some relief. She took a big drink from both sides, and then promptly fell back to sleep. After another week, my breasts had adjusted, and Isabel thankfully kept up her new pattern of sleeping a full night.

Now that Isabel is a few years older, she’s developed to the point where she’s a great sleeper. While I sometimes miss the days when she was an infant, I certainly don’t miss the days when my baby’s sleeping schedule meant I was up throughout the night. Now we are all snoozing more soundly!

Photo by Kevin Keith on Unsplash

Your New Baby’s Bowel Movements, Decoded

As a new mom, I obsessed over the contents of my new baby’s diapers. I know it may sound strange, but it really became a high topic of interest! Was it a “healthy poo” or was it too watery? Why was it green -- is that normal? And believe it or not, I wasn’t alone; the color and consistency of infant bowel movements can be rather shocking for any new mom, but I learned that most of the strange colors and consistencies are completely normal.

My new baby’s first poop, called meconium, arrived just after birth. The tar-like, greenish-black substance is perfectly normal— it’s the last bit of food babies take in while in utero—and will last for two to three days.

A breastfed baby will produce lovely shades of yellow, including mustard, greenish-yellow, and brownish-yellow. This stool may appear to have seeds in it, is usually on the runny side, and doesn’t have much of an odor. Prepare yourself for a poop after nearly every feeding!

A formula-fed new baby will fill her diaper with a darker yellow to green-hued poo. This stool won’t be as frequent, arriving about three to four times a day, though it does tend to be more solid and have a stronger smell than a breastfed baby’s poop. Bowel movements for both formula and breastfed babies will decrease in frequency around 4 months to just a couple of times a day.

When my new baby started solids, I found every shade in her diaper. Her bowel movements took on the color of what she recently consumed (sweet potatoes at dinner made for an orange diaper, while peas turned it green, for example). Eating real food also transformed her stool to the browner, firm, stinky kind.

As my baby moved from purees to solid fare, her stool changed as well. I saw actual pieces of undigested food in the poo, like bits of pasta, carrots, and even whole peas!

My new baby’s dirty diapers were not the most appealing sight, but giving them a quick peek before I threw them out helped me know whether her bowel movements were healthy and regular. 

Photo by Katie Smith on Unsplash

Second Baby: What It’s Like Having a Boy and Girl

When my husband and I began trying for a second child, I wondered how it would be to have two girls, or a girl and a boy. For both of my pregnancies, we had chosen not to find out the gender ahead of time, which meant I could play out all kinds of scenarios in my head!

As it turned out, we had our Nina first, and then Eli, our son, came along second. Our daughter was, and is, a bright and beautiful girl with a wonderful outlook on life and the world around her. She has such a big presence, though, that we wondered if our second child would feel overshadowed.

For us, having a child of the opposite gender ensured that, in at least one sense, our second baby would stand out. Our son has ended up being just as amazing as our daughter, in ways that are both similar and different, but you never know how things will end up until that second child actually arrives.

While I always knew that having two kids of the same gender didn’t guarantee a close relationship, I did worry that our daughter and son might not be as close as they may have been if they were both boys or both girls. Today our kids couldn’t be closer, and I think that has to do with how we raised them. We did a lot of things with our daughter that some might consider stereotypically “male” in character, like washing the car and working on home projects. Now we all participate in these activities, as one big family.

In our house, we try to stay as gender neutral as possible -- I always say that anyone can do anything. My son puts on dance shows for us, and my daughter plays superheroes. It’s really interesting to see them both take part in each other’s interests.

Any worries that I might have had when our second child turned out to be a different gender from our first were quickly washed away. Our kids get to learn so much about the opposite gender from each other, and that's wonderful. My hope is that this insight will translate into great relationships with other kids, and then eventually with other adults of the opposite gender, as they grow up.

Photo by Garrett Jackson on Unsplash

Baby Milestones Remembered: First Steps

My daughter, Morgan, had mastered the baby development step of cruising for months before taking her first unassisted steps. I worried a bit, since I couldn’t even find shoes to fit her too-small feet.

When she was about three weeks shy of her first birthday, we were doing her usual holding of my finger while walking around our home (another baby milestone I had come to love). I knew she was ready to walk but was timid and afraid to let go. At that moment, I decided to gently slip my finger from her grip, and as I did, she took three steps and ended up on her bottom.

I couldn’t believe my eyes, but as I tried to get her to conquer this baby milestone and to walk again, she kept falling on her bottom and crying out of frustration. I was certain it was confidence that she lacked, and I was set on helping her build it up. Once she would take off, she would never stop -- a prediction I was 100 percent correct about.

The day when my husband came home from work, we decided to help Morgan try to achieve this baby milestone again, with us supporting her as a team. We started her by me, and after helping her up, my husband held out his arms for her to fall into. I’m confident that seeing someone she trusted in front was the confidence booster she needed, and she walked right into his arms.

With each successful step, we moved farther and farther away from each other, and watched in awe as she took more and more steps. Two of my favorite parts of this baby milestone experience:

1.    She gave us a hug each time she made it across the room.

2.    The way she held her arms above her head and looked like the cute baby version of Frankenstein. We then deemed her, Morganstein.

From there, our baby’s development was happening all over the place. She learned to let go of the furniture she was holding onto, again building confidence. She soon learned to put her arms down while walking, and to stand up on her own without holding onto a table or sofa.

Watching my daughter grow her independence was both a proud and somewhat sad moment. I know this independence will only increase with time as she continues to conquer all of these baby milestones. But the best part about her ability to walk on her own now is, when I come home, I see her face light up as she runs to give me that same hug she gave while taking her first steps.

Photo by julio andres rosario ortiz on Unsplash