I had always imagined myself working in an office even after I became a father. I could see myself coming home and having the old-fashioned sort of life.

However, after I became a part of my first startup in 2003, I started to look at things differently. I began thinking about staying home, being a father first while maybe running a little business out of the house, spending as much time with my kids and wife as I wanted.

Lucky for me, the job market helped me make my decision. When I graduated from law school, I was already a new dad, as my wife and I already had 8-month-old twin babies at home. We felt isolated where we were living in Akron, and we wanted to move closer to family, so we planned on moving back to St. Louis, MO. I even took the bar there and passed, but with the economy the way it was, it was hard for me to find a job in St. Louis. Plus, my wife already had a good job in Akron, so we ended up staying.

I’ve continued looking for work, but an opportunity has not presented itself for me -- at least not one that can beat my current gig: SAHD. As a stay-at-home dad, I rarely have a day that I would consider average. My babies are my alarm clock. Most days my wife leaves for work before our two girls are up. I get them up, make breakfast, and then try to do a little work on the businesses, all while still entertaining 2-year-olds. We work on our numbers and ABCs, and generally try and have some fun. I’ve started two companies from home as an attempt to find a way to contribute to the household finances, but my priorities are my girls.

The ability to spend time with my girls this way is something I never thought I would have the chance to do as a new dad, and it is the most rewarding experience of my life. As with anything new, though, there are trade-offs. The reversed roles of my family, and the fact that I had more of a traditional upbringing, have taken a lot of getting used to, and a lot of pride swallowing. It is not always easy, but I have always told myself that nothing worth having comes easy.

While trying to balance and redefine my role as a stay-at-home dad, I’ve had the opportunity to watch my girls grow and develop into little people. I love playing with them, and I enjoy their company. As a young physician, my father worked 36 hours straight, had a short time off, and then went right back to work. I saw him for fleeting moments when I was little, and never really had the chance to spend any time with him; something both he and I wish had been different. The fact that I get to spend almost every waking moment with my daughters is an amazing opportunity. Regardless of the frustrations, time constraints, and other events, it’s something I relish every day.

Photo by Andriyko Podilnyk on Unsplash

Like most kids growing up, my thoughts about my father were a combination of admiration and frustration. I looked up to him and his successes as a businessman and father, but of course, had my moments of wishing he’d let me just have my way. It really wasn’t until the day I held my own baby as a new dad that I could truly appreciate my father as a father. Here are the top six things he taught me about fatherhood.

1. Support your wife. Learning how to be a good father means learning how to be a good teammate, with your wife as your team member -- never your opponent. I’ve always believed a baby feeds off his environment and learns early on how people interact with each other. Through his actions, my dad showed me to support your spouse and family emotionally, financially, and physically. They tackled being parents to three kids with the divide-and-conquer method, and no one ever felt overlooked.

2. Always have a camera on-hand. From a funny moment with my siblings to the times I scored a winning soccer goal, I’ve always appreciated being able to look back on all the pictures and memories my dad captured. It’s my history, from my birth to my own daughter’s birth. He loved photography, and I know now he was teaching me about being prepared to capture life’s little fatherhood moments for myself and for my family.

3. Be proud of the big and little things. My dad turned everything into a big accomplishment and celebrated every moment as if I had won the Nobel Prize. Getting good grades deserved an ice cream sundae; making the school safety

patrol deserved a movie; scoring a soccer goal deserved a fun family outing. Simply turning a year older was always reason enough for a big party.

4. Cherish each day. It sounds cliché, but when it comes to being a new dad, you can’t take any moment for granted. Aside from planning fun family activities, my dad found a way to make even the most mundane errands and chores a fun outing: Driving to the grocery store turned into a dance party and sing-along in the car, and shopping turned into a hide-and-seek game.

5. Provide for your family. Kids come with expenses, to say the least, but also come with emotional needs that need to be met every day. My dad did everything he could to provide for us financially, emotionally, and physically. If he worked overtime and didn’t see us, he would leave us sweet notes saying how much he loved and missed us.

6. Help them learn, let them grow. Teach your child life’s lessons, decision-making and problem-solving skills to grow their independence. Sometimes, as much as you may want to just do things for them to make it easy, it’s important to let your child learn by doing. Let them get frustrated when learning to crawl, so it pushes them to try harder. Instead of cleaning up my 1-year-old daughter’s toys myself, I have her help me, so she can learn.

Learning how to be a good father takes practice and patience -- and at the end of the day, I am happy to know I have my own dad to turn to throughout my fatherhood triumphs and missteps.

Photo by Sebastián León Prado on Unsplash