To say I was excited when my wife was pregnant with our first child, Morgan, would be a gross understatement. While this overwhelming sense of joy continued to grow along with her belly, I could never have prepared myself for the days and months ahead as a new dad. I imagined fatherhood as one thing, and turns out, my thoughts and emotions were pretty spot on -- times 100.

Expectations: What I Thought I Felt

During my wife’s pregnancy, I wasn’t nervous; just extremely excited. I looked forward to knowing there was someone who would come to understand they could turn to me for anything in life. The only nerves I had as a dad-to-be, were tied to ensuring my baby was a healthy one, and knowing how to respond in different situations. Now I like to think of myself as a smart guy and efficient problem solver, making unplanned decisions every minute of my workday. I constantly get thrown curveballs, and am able to use knowledge and reasoning to figure out the best solution. Why should a baby be much different?

I felt like I did everything new dads are told to do to prepare: read The Expectant Father, talked to other parents. They helped me understand my wife’s experience, -- physically and emotionally -- my own experience, and what was in store once the baby made her first appearance. I looked forward to all the firsts, and to share my favorite things with our child.

What didn’t make me jump for joy was the actual birth part, as I knew I had to be strong for my wife, but having a sensitive stomach, I felt queasy at the thought of watching this oozy miracle happen before my eyes.

 

Reality: What I Feel Now

When my wife was pushing out our child, all queasiness left the room. I couldn’t believe my eyes: I was witnessing our creation come into this world. The minute my wife held our child, I was pleasantly surprised at what a natural she is. All of her nerves went out the room and her maternal instincts kicked into high gear. From day one, my wife showed confidence, love, knowledge, and connection as a mother.

I, on the other hand, began questioning everything. I had difficulty advising my wife on decisions, solutions and actions. I simply didn’t know the answers (maybe Google would?) I was surprised by how much more cautious and nervous I felt, when in my head I thought I would always be a cool and collected new dad. Did she eat enough? She’s hungry again? Why is she crying? Why isn’t she crying!

Despite the worry, the overwhelming joy I thought I felt during my wife’s pregnancy was put to shame each time I looked at my baby. I felt extreme pride at Morgan’s firsts -- lifting her head during tummy time, smiling, playing with toys on her own. I couldn’t believe I felt excited and relieved at each poop, each burp, knowing everything was functioning properly. I felt happy when Morgan slept, knowing she was getting the rest she needed, and happy when she woke, knowing she wanted to eat (and was still breathing!)

Watching a baby experience and learn something new every day is fascinating. Hearing ‘dada’ for the first time and watching Morgan take her first steps as she walked into my arms created incomparable pride. I knew being a dad would be great. Yet there is no way your expectations of greatness are in line with how truly remarkable the experience is watching a helpless thing grow into an independent mover and shaker.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Being pregnant with a toddler running around can be challenging, to say the least. You may not always have the energy to keep up with your little one, and getting ready for a new baby can rob you of precious together time. But it is possible to bond with your older child, tackle your new baby to-do list, and even reserve a few hours for yourself during these months. Check out these tips for making pregnancy with a toddler in tow as smooth as possible.

Take advantage of naps. Your new best friend: the afternoon nap. Life with a toddler while pregnant leaves little downtime, so use his naptime to catch some shut-eye yourself. Pre-nap, wind down together with a calming activity such as reading a book or listening to music, which will help prepare him for sleep. He will love the extra cuddling with you and you’ll appreciate the peace and quiet. Afterwards, head to bed for much needed rest.

Bring in a babysitter. Consider hiring a mother’s helper for a couple of afternoons a week. Your child will enjoy the additional attention during this phase when so much focus is on the new baby, and you can use the afternoon to catch up on your rest or do a few things outside of the house. Schools and places of worship are great places to get referrals for local mother’s helpers. If you’re not comfortable leaving your child alone at first, you can always stay at home in a separate room.

Involve your toddler in baby preparations. Toddlers will delight in helping you get ready for your new addition, and you’ll simultaneously be able to check tasks off your new baby to-do list while hanging out with your older child. It’s a great opportunity to bond and talk about what to expect after your new baby arrives. Your tot can help fold baby clothes, place clean diapers in baskets, or arrange baby books on a shelf.

Prioritize your time. Accept that you may not be able to do everything you'd like to when you’re pregnant, with a toddler in tow. Let a few things slide in order to fit in special bonding time. Mopping the floors or updating your blog can wait. Spending those extra hours with your child before the new baby comes will help your toddler feel secure during the transition.

Remember to give yourself a break if things don’t go exactly as planned. This is a big change for your household! Before you know it, you'll be watching your firstborn become a proud big brother or sister to your new baby.

Photo by Colin Maynard on Unsplash

My name is John. I am a human alarm clock, a firefighter, a peace officer, a cook, a teacher, a husband, a photographer, a chauffeur, and a laundry service. In short, I'm a stay-at-home dad of three.

I wanted one, maybe two kids. If anyone would have told me I'd be a dad of three, I wouldn't have believed them. Who can afford three kids these days? Who has time to take care of three kids? With three, you and your wife are outnumbered. It's mayhem. Not me. Not us -- and that's for sure.

My wife, Christina, wanted the third. She wailed for months about how her life wouldn't be complete without a third. She went so far as to say she had a dream one night that there was another baby sitting up on a cloud somewhere, trying to find her way down to us.

So here I am. At least when they were babies, I could take a nap when they did. I worked when they napped. They didn't complain when I served them strained peas. 

Having my children nearly five years apart means that they are all in different schools and need to be awakened and driven at different times. These days, my life is like the movie Groundhog Day, only four times in a single day.

My daughter, the cloud-sitter, is the most trying in the morning. She tries on three or four outfits before pronouncing them all "horrible." I attempt to watch YouTube videos demonstrating various types of braids, so I can get her hair just right. My efforts usually end in tears -- mine, not hers! I must promise to watch the video while she is in school, so as to get it right the next day. For the next five hours, I squeeze in cleaning up, a shower, working on my photography, grocery shopping, and laundry.

The arrivals home are staggered like the departures. The oldest arrives first, and the homework parade begins. While I am cooking dinner, I hear my daughter screaming that my middle son is in her room, so I need to go make peace. After he complains that he is "bored," he goes in his room to make some kind of electrical project which has on occasion caused him to run out yelling "FIRE!"  While I am putting out the fire, I will hear banging in the backyard, where his brother is building a fort -- with wood he got from my deck. "You said you were going to tear it down someday, right?" he asks, innocently.

When I was in the throes of colic and 2:00 a.m. feedings, I told myself it had to get easier. But now, I see the truth: It was easier when they were babies. It's twice as hard now. Twice -- times three. But you know what? It's also three times the joy, three times the pride, and three times as much love. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Photo by Juliane Liebermann on Unsplash

My wife and I didn't realize how opposite we were until after we were married. The only thing we found that we agreed upon was our taste in furniture.

This was fun for a while. When confronted on the topic, we had our standard lines like "We complement each other" or "Opposites attract you know!"  We realized that we got each other to try new things. She got me to travel; I got her to break her cleanliness obsession. A fair trade, I thought.

While this may have been fun when it was just the two of us, once our family expanded, it became a bit more serious. We quickly discovered that our parenting styles were also quite opposite., and our conflicting ideas now affected others. So we decided to try to take the best parts of both of our personalities and make it work for everyone.

It really started before we had any children. She didn't think she wanted any. I was excited about fatherhood and wanted as many as possible. She finally agreed to one. When our son was born, I wanted her to breastfeed him. I felt it was very important. Suffice to say she was not into it, and refused. He got formula. Baby number one softened her stance on kids considerably, and we both decided we wanted a second baby. We had another boy, but by this time, she was all about breastfeeding.

At that point, I was happy but exhausted. I figured we were good with two kids, and that we were finished with baby making.But she insisted we needed a third! I could scarcely believe it, but her mind was made up. In fact, she wanted a third boy, saying she was used to them, and wouldn't "my three sons" be adorable. I was nervous about the responsibility of a third, but if I were to have one, I really wanted a little girl. I took a chance and agreed on the third. Our boys got a plump, pretty little baby sister named Amelia. She was always hungry, always crying, hardly slept. Precious, but more work than either one of us anticipated.

As our kids have grown, we still maintain differences. My wife is known to bribe the kids. I don’t give in to tempting them. When it comes to fatherhood, I let the kids do want they want (or not) when it comes to activities. Their mother is a bit more involved, wanting to choose for them. And like many parents with different styles, our kids have figured out that if mommy says no, ask daddy -- or vice versa.  

While, our differences haven’t always made things simple, I feel they have helped our kids --and our family in general -- become better-rounded.  My kids have gotten my wife's wanderlust and her fashion sense. From me, they've picked up a sense of humor and an interest in art and photography. Somehow, they've seemed to have absorbed the best of each of us. And that's something both their mom and dad are thankful for.

Photo by Limor Zellermayer on Unsplash

If you’re like me, you’re eager for your new baby to spend as much time as possible with her relatives. Seeing your baby bond with aunts, cousins, and grandparents is immensely special, and I couldn’t wait for my girls to meet their extended family. Unfortunately, there was one thing that made this a challenge: Many of them lived far away. We live in New York, but my girls have grandparents in Vermont and various aunts and uncles all over the United States—but I didn’t let that stop us! Here’s how I was able to keep my daughters close to our faraway family:

Picture this: Got extra pictures lying around? Make a photo album with some of the outtakes, and then read it to your baby a couple of times a week. I named the people in the photos and told stories about them. This helped my daughters remember the faces, so that cousins and uncles weren’t complete strangers when they met them in person.

Go digital: Put technology to good use and set up an account on a video chat site with faraway family. Your new baby will look forward to video chats, especially if you make them a regular event, and she’ll begin to recognize faces and voices during these sessions. To truly keep your relatives in the loop, share even more: post pictures through Pampers Baby Book app, put videos on YouTube, or by start a blog to document your new baby’s days.

Family trips: Every summer, my entire family spends a week or two on the same tiny island in Maine. We rent houses near each other and enjoy lounging on the beach, eating lobster, and playing games. My girls love this annual vacation, and it’s definitely brought them closer to their cousins who live in Colorado and Virginia.

Little Picasso: All grandparents will love to receive homemade art in the mail. As my daughters got older, we made sure to ask them to put aside a few of their finger paintings, hand prints, drawings, and scribbles to send to grandma and grandpa. (If you’re tech-savvy, you could also scan them to relatives.) Your child will have fun making a special piece of artwork for her family, and your relatives will love the gift!

It took some time before my girls bonded with all of their faraway family members, but now, they are as close to them as if they lived next door! Don’t worry if your new baby seems nervous around her relatives at first. She will get to know them better over time -- no matter the distance.

Photo by ???????? Janko Ferlič on Unsplash