When we found out we were expecting our second child, I began to think of ways we could share the news with our first. Seeking hints on how to break the news to our only child, I decided to read a book about sibling rivalry. It began with an anecdote about a husband who announced to his wife one day that he thought it was time to have a second wife. Being married to you has been so great that having two wives could only be better, right? Just think, he continued, the two of you can go shopping together and share clothes. Doesn’t that sound wonderful? Needless to say, wife number one wasn’t overjoyed with such a prospect.

The author’s message should have been obvious, but the pregnancy hormones had already started doing things to my brain, so I just ignored it. Instead, like many parents, my husband and I assumed our child would simply share our incredible enthusiasm about her impending big sisterhood. That evening at dinner, I said, “Sweetheart, your father and I have some really exciting news. We are going to have a second baby, and that means you are going to be a big sister!”

Imagine our surprise when she responded with a quizzical look and a one word response: “Why?” she asked. As we both scrambled to fill the silence, I had to admit she (and the book) had a point, and I wondered how we were ever going to make this all right.

“You know,” I said, “when the baby arrives, you’ll get to do all kinds of things that he or she won’t be able to do.” “Like what?” she inquired warily. “Like staying up until 8 o’clock and learning to ride a two-wheeler,” I replied, grasping at straws. “And you get to help pick the new baby’s name,” I added for good measure. That last one solicited a big grin, but I never imagined what problems my seemingly brilliant suggestion was going to cause.

Two days later our daughter announced with great pride that she’d picked a name for the baby. “Favorite Towel,” she said about the moniker she used for her treasured Turkish towel, a gift from an eccentric aunt. On the one hand, I was thrilled that she thought enough of the new baby to name it after an item that accompanied her morning, noon, and night.  On the other hand, I was grateful to have seven months to do damage control on that one.

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When I found out I was expecting twins, I wasn’t sure how that news would go over with our then 18-month-old daughter, Grace. The thought of introducing a new baby into the already hectic mix of our everyday life of a family of three was scary. Adding two more? It seemed crazy!

I had so many questions racing through my mind! Had we waited long enough? Was our house ready for the upheaval of infant-life again? How would she react to Mama not being as physically active with her? What would she do once she met these new babies?

I know now in hindsight (fifteen long and glorious months of hindsight) that I was being absurd, but the concerns were real, and they shaped how we eventually shared the news with Grace.

Our pediatrician has always been a matter-of-fact, strong, and supportive caregiver of Grace. He saw her, and maybe even as importantly, us, through a rocky premature start, fraught with jaundice, lack of weight gain, and colic. At one of our last appointments with a solo Grace, he shared with me some of the wisest words I had ever heard spoken on the subject of siblings. He said that siblings were the best gift we could give our child. That we should never feel sorry for the fact that she would no longer be an only child. She would adapt as easily to her new life as a big sister as we would allow her, no looking back. It was then that I realized that telling Grace about our new addition to the family was harder on us than it was on her.

I was so thankful for the clear-headed and reasonable advice that I nearly cried. I sat with Grace a few days later and read her a children’s book on having younger siblings.  Grace was overjoyed, and so were we.

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The pride and joy I felt at the birth of my daughter, Isabel, was enormous. She was dark-haired and lovely, a wiggly 8 pounds and 9 ounces, with off-the-charts Apgar scores (an assessment of newborn well-being) -- already so brilliant! Yet once we arrived home from the hospital, insecurity replaced these positive feelings on newfound fatherhood.

I wanted to know how to be a good father, but I really had no idea what I was doing. Fortunately, with some trial and error, I was able to take care of my new baby, be of use to my wife, and even become the go-to guy for many tasks.

I was a massage pro when my wife was expecting, rubbing her neck, shoulders, and feet whenever she was achy. So transferring this small talent over to Isabel was the natural next step. Baby massage has been shown to help tots eat and sleep better and reduce stress; it's also an excellent way for new dads to become closer to their babies. I’d give Isabel a massage using baby-safe oil whenever she was fussy, or before bedtime, or just when I wanted to bond with her (which was often!).

After endless breastfeeding sessions, my wife was often too tired to coax a burp or two out of Isabel. I became the "Burp Whisperer," jiggling, patting, and rocking her until the air came up. While I may have been a pro burper, I’m no professional crooner, but Isabel didn’t seem to mind. In fact, I found that when I sang, the vibration of my Adam’s apple on her head helped lull her to sleep. Jazz, top 40 tunes, even songs I made up on the spot seemed to be music to her ears, and singing to her became a nice bedtime ritual for the two of us.

I quickly discovered that changing a baby’s diaper on a high table is pretty scary -- and potentially unsafe. Whether we were at home or out and about, I found it was much easier for me to set up a station on the floor using a diaper pad. If I needed to take my hand off Isabel to wrestle with the wipes or cream, she was secure on the carpet.

One other thing I learned as a new dad: Your baby will grow up fast and you’ll miss these bonding experiences later on. My biggest tip on early fatherhood: Don’t look at baby care as a chore, but instead as something sweet and exciting. You’ll remember these times fondly for years to come.

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I come from a big family -- six kids, all pretty closely spaced together. So when my husband and I decided to have our second child, I knew I wanted a small age gap. This way my kids would grow up together the way my siblings and I had. Family and friends shared that it would be difficult to be taking care of a baby while raising a terrible 2-year-old. However, I found having my terrific two sons close in age to be as beneficial in the short-term as I know it will be in the long run.

I had experienced raising a newborn before -- and not that long ago -- so I felt better prepared with our second child. I remember the first time we -- including ER doctor Dad -- saw blood appear on our first baby, we rushed unnecessarily to urgent care. Nothing -- not medical school, not the baby books -- could prepare us for parenthood the way our first go as parents did.

That’s not to say things were easy -- far from it! The number of diapers we went through on any given day never ceased to amaze us. And the amount of supplies I needed to get out the door doubled -- there was so much to carry; I always looked headed on vacation! While one son was trying out “no” in louder volumes, the other was trying out his new squirming muscles during a change. Having siblings close in age can definitely be a ton of work!

Sharing our time amongst our two boys can be difficult at times. For example, we rain-checked potty-training, so our older son only uses the potty occasionally. But now, whenever he does, nothing beats the look of absolute pride and importance on his face he when we ask him to show his little brother how to do it. We were worried our first son would feel neglected or, worse, replaced. But it turned out -- to our unexpected joy -- that we were replaced. While Daddy was used to getting second chair to mommy, it was big brother now who got hugged first and could do no wrong.

Our grander parenting plans are sometimes put on hold, but I feel our mantra and for other families who have their first and second baby close in age should be “short-term sacrifices lead to long-term benefits.”

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My husband and I had good intentions when we chose to name our firstborn, Caitlin. At that time, no one on this side of the pond had ever heard of it. And even if they had, they were only familiar with the Gaelic spelling. Years later, Caitlin is one of the most popular girl names, with multiple spellings abound. In a crowded room, more than one head will turn at the sound of our daughter's name. Its overnight popularity is proof that name trends come and go, and public opinion changes quickly.

Three kids later, I reflect on the reasoning behind the naming of my three children. Although I suspect it's not much different from any parent's experience, here's what swayed my decisions.  

Does it sound okay? Saying your baby's name out loud is the true test of compatibility. First, middle and last names should flow as one. In my mind, that means shorter first names should be paired with longer last names, and vice versa. Likewise, first names that end in a vowel don't always sound right with a last name that begins with a vowel. These things mattered to us!

How does it look on paper? One day, your baby’s name will show up on a resume, a driver's license, and a diploma. His signature may even be famous. I like a name that stands out in written form.  

Is it too unusual or overly popular? Many people with common names know what it's like to have three other people with the same name in their third-grade class. These are the Megans and the Matthews of the world, and they vow to name their own child something unique. On the other hand, something too unusual could be difficult to pronounce or bring unwanted attention. It helps to strike a balance.

Can a name be different without being weird? Some celebrities are pushing the limits with baby names like North, Cricket, and Breeze. Different may be good, but weird could open your child up to ridicule and attention she'd rather avoid.

Do you want your child to have a nickname? Some names adapt to nicknames more readily than others. We chose Caitlin as our girl’s name, in part, because it rarely gets shortened, and it seemed equally appropriate as both a teenager and a grandmother.   

Do the initials pass the tease test? Make sure the initials don't spell out something undesirable, and don't forget that the first initial of the last name stands out on a monogram.

All things considered, my daughter still likes her name. Granted, she tires of spelling it out when asked, but I'm fairly certain she wouldn't trade it for anything else. And one day, perhaps, it won't be common anymore!

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